


Lyctor? I Hardly Knew Her!

by Nary



Category: The Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: And Gideon abuses the sunglasses emoji, Book: Gideon the Ninth (Locked Tomb Trilogy), Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Discord format, Except they have discord and ao3, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, Gen, RLF (Real Lyctor Fiction), Silas Octakiseron Ruins Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28846341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nary/pseuds/Nary
Summary: Fandom wank breaks out in the #canaan-house discord chat.
Comments: 65
Kudos: 93
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	Lyctor? I Hardly Knew Her!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Koraki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koraki/gifts).



  
# canaan-house  
  


Silas  
I feel obligated to let the group know that one of our number has written some... problematic fan-fiction.  
This noxious filth ought to disqualify the author from the Lyctoral process.  


* * *

Ianthe  
oh noooooooo, so sad  


* * *

Coronabeth  
that's awful, do you have a link?  


* * *

Silas  
I don't feel it's appropriate to share in the general group chat.  
There are children here.  


* * *

Jeannemary  
ok but we're not children tho  


* * *

Isaac  
we're really not tho  
if I'm old enough to be a ~lyctor~ I'm old enough to see some ~tor~  


* * *

Abigail  
What exactly is that supposed to mean, Isaac?  


* * *

Isaac  
uh, that I'd like some healthy veggies?  


* * *

Abigail  
Mmhmm. More important than whatever the story's about, who are you accusing, Silas? Who wrote it?  


* * *

Silas  
It has come to my attention that Lady Septimus has an AO3 account under the username "necro_rose".  
It's not simply one story that's at issue here.  
The account contains over a hundred works, the bulk of which are not only pornographic but blasphemous.  


* * *

Marta  
Blasphemous how?   


* * *

Silas  
She writes RLF.   


* * *

Colum  
(Real Lyctor Fiction.)  


* * *

Jeannemary  
omg that's so cringe  


* * *

Ianthe  
I can't believe I'm agreeing with the toddler, but that is pretty cringe.  


* * *

Silas  
Necromancers and cavaliers, mingling together in unseemly ways, in pairs or trios or groups...  


* * *

Gideon  
sounds spicy    


* * *

Palamedes  
I mean this in all sincerity - who cares?  


* * *

Harrowhark  
Good point. I don't see how this matters?  


* * *

Abigail  
RLF, and RPF more generally, have a long tradition in historical fiction.  
Consider _Gilded Lily_ or _The Chain and the Anchor._   
I really don't see the issue here.  


* * *

Magnus  
Gotta agree with the wife there, Octakiseron. Sounds like a harmless enough hobby.  


* * *

Gideon  
I know a guy who writes RPF, and it's terrible. Not morally terrible, I just mean it's literally bad.  


* * *

Harrowhark  
Griddle stop, you'll make me get the Noniad stuck in my head for one million years.  


* * *

Silas  
None of you seem to understand the seriousness of this offense. It should be immediately disqualifying.  
Lyctors call one another 'Brother' and 'Sister'. Writing about them copulating is basically incest!  
There are often substantial age gaps, not to mention all kinds of other problematic tropes!  


* * *

Naberius  
yeah, so, I went to the page and read this one called "Siphoned by the Sixth", it was pretty hot.  


* * *

Coronabeth  
ew gross Babs. link me in DM?  


* * *

Isaac  
me too?  


* * *

Abigail  
No.   


* * *

Gideon  
there's one called "Lyctor? I Hardly Knew Her!" this is amazing. I'm bookmarking all of these.  


* * *

Harrowhark  
Wait, you have an account? How did I not know that? ...Do you subscribe to me?   


* * *

Gideon  
There's a lot you don't know about me, sunshine  


* * *

Palamedes  
Look, I say again - who the fuck cares? It's called fiction for a reason. Or are you too dense to realize that?   


* * *

Judith  
At worst this is kind of awkward, since it could be about her potential future co-workers.   
It's not a crime, it's just a bit creepy if they found out about it.  


* * *

Silas  
Some of these stories... I hesitate to say... even include The Divine Resurrector himself.   
In positions that are... very much not befitting His glory.  


* * *

Camilla  
Wait.   
Are you actually getting bent out of shape over this because she writes the Necrolord Prime as a bottom?  


* * *

Silas  
IF YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE FIC ABOUT GOD HE SHOULD AT LEAST BE THE ONE TOPPING.  


* * *

Magnus  
Whoa, nothing wrong with bottoming   


* * *

Palamedes  
Check your toxic masculinity, bro.  


* * *

Silas  
This whole chat is toxic! I can't believe I'm stuck here with you people!  


* * *

Teacher  
Sorry, I had the room muted! Thanks to everyone who let me know there was a problem.  
I think everyone needs to take a step back and a few deep, calming breaths.   


* * *

Dulcinea  
OMG I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!  
You waited until you knew I was asleep, then looked at my tablet to see my AO3 username?   
This is low even for you, Eighth.  
I'm a grown-ass woman, I'm older than all of you, I'm sick, I'm stressed, and I'm very, very tired.  
If I want to write quote-unquote problematic fiction as a coping mechanism, I will damn well do as I please!  


* * *

Abigail  
You're 27, you're not exactly geriatric...  


* * *

Dulcinea  
It feels like it sometimes, when CHILDREN get in my face about my FICTION which is NOT REAL.   
No real people were harmed in the making of these stories.  
They're even archive-locked, so you had to have been snooping to find them!   


* * *

Protesilaus  
Ship and let ship, Octakiseron.  


* * *

Silas  
"Shipping" the saints and the King Undying himself is heretical and an abomination before our Lord.  
You're a degenerate pervert and you should never receive the divine honour of being a Lyctor!   


* * *

Dulcinea  
Cordially, get fucked.  


* * *

Gideon  
~~if he did, that might help~~   


* * *

Silas  
Fine. I challenge the Seventh. And Ninth, you're next unless you know what's good for you.  


* * *

Gideon  
oh yeah, bring it!   


* * *

Dulcinea  
You're really going to challenge me, you pasty-faced clown? You have no idea what you're doing.  


* * *

Teacher  
Okay, everyone, this has gone far enough. Do I need to lock this room until you can all calm down?  


* * *

Coronabeth  
It'll be ok, Teacher. I think they're taking it offline. Babs and Ianthe are going to keep an eye on things.  


* * *

Teacher  
Oh...well. I'm glad it's settled down, at least.   


* * *

Isaac  
ok but I'm still not sure how you read the stories? Do you have to make an account or something?   


* * *

Jeannemary  
I'll show you...  



End file.
